I was going to title this post "Some women shouldn't be allowed to be mothers" but then realized that may be a little harsh, but in my head that is still the title of this post...
Before becoming a mother, I made a vow to myself and future kiddos that I would not only be healthy for myself but for them during pregnancy and in life after pregnancy. I vowed that I would always put their needs before my own. I vowed that being a mother was not only a responsibility, but a gift. I vowed that that I would not take becoming or being a mother lightly and I would do whatever I could to advocate, protect and honor them...
While I was pregnant there were not many things I had to give up. What I thought would be the most difficult, alcohol, was actually not difficult at all. The sight and smell of alcohol while pregnant was THE worst...so DEF no temptation there! What was actually the most difficult was giving up feta cheese, deli meat (Jimmy Johns!) and hot dogs! I know that people do eat these things while pregnant but a statistic is a statistic and if there was a .0000000000000001% chance it could do my baby harm...I wasn't doing it! NOT worth the risk!
I'm not writing this post to brag or give myself props, I am writing this post because today I found out that a woman I know, not well, but know (who is pregnant, due within the next month) has spent her ENTIRE pregnancy smoking a pack a day, bar hoping, wine drinking, etc. THIS. BREAKS. MY. HEART!
She is due with a PRECIOUS little boy. I say precious because ALL babies are precious. While this pregnancy was not intentional, she decided to keep the baby. The day she found out she was pregnant, was the day she should have quit and given up her bad habits. I am not a smoker but I do like my glass of moscato! I do not know what it is like to be addicted to these things, but COME ON!! You are PREGNANT!!
This women is not fit to be a parent. To me, she is already committing child abuse. In my vows, I said being a mother was a responsibility, and if she can not even be "responsible" while pregnant, how can she be a responsible mother once the baby is born?!
I am still very upset about this and since I did have a premature baby while doing everything right (in my opinion) while pregnant, this KILLS me not to say something to her. I just want to SHAKE her!!!
So what would YOU do? Would you say something to this women? Would you keep your mouth shut? Would you just be rude to her until she asked why you were rude so that you could tell her what's up?
I understand that G-D has a plan for all of us. I know there was a reason I became a NICU mama. Was it to advocate for unborn babies like this one? Was it to share a message? The March of Dimes has played a big part in our families life and maybe being a part of this organization makes me realize how important these vows I made to Olivia are!
What do you think?
18 comments:
I hate hearing things like this. For myself, a woman that has had 3 miscarriages and no other children, the fact that there are women out there that take being pregnant for granted is a huge slap in the face. It's hard to understand why women like this have no problems at all carrying a child, but someone like myself who would go to the ends of the Earth to have a healthy baby, can't.
This passed weekend me and Roberto went to Target to get some last minute things, there I saw a woman VERY pregnant with what looked to be a cigarette in her hand, I immediately could not stop staring. After about 5 minutes I realized she is the same girl that is in our childbirth class, there she was just out in the open smoking while extremely pregnant. I cant imagine what she does behind closed doors if she is doing this out in public. I didnt say anything to her because I didnt feel it was my place, but if you know this girl I would ask her why she is doing this and maybe talk to her... sorry for the novel it just really hit home for me
I couldn't agree more with you. I am in a similar situation with a family member, she isn't drinking to my knowledge but hasn't quit smoking. Aside from the fact that their is a surgeon general warning directed towards pregnant women their is the obvious "maternal instinct" which I hoped would click immediately and she would give it up. she unfortunately didn't which as you did, I question her parenting abilities based on her selfish habits during pregnancy. I have said something multiple times & its fallen on deaf ears & I have gotten the whole " I have cut back" "I barely do" & "you wouldn't understand", I just pray that the baby(ies) are/ is normal & unharmed for something not in their control, from parents who clearly aren't ready for the role.
OMG this is awful! I would definitely have to say something. Just terrible!
It is so, so gross. I knew a girl (a so-so friend. someone I called if we were hanging out BBQ'ing but not to go to Starbucks or go to the mall), who smoked throughout her entire pregnancy. She smoked at my house while like 8 months pregnant. It was so weird and awkward and gross. I didnt say anything though.
Totally agree.
I know someone that actually just had a baby today, and she drank, smoked (more than just cigarettes too) all throughout the pregnancy. Makes me completely sick.
As far as saying something? Hmmm. IDK. That's a toughy. Depends how close you are to her. If she would even value the opinion. Or if it would be a waste of time. IDK.
People like that suck.
Oh my goodness! I would have stared in disbelief too. Are people living under rocks? I don't understand. I don't know if I would say anything- depends how close/personal you are with her. I know I would want to. But she seems like the type of girl who would fight you or something. Just saying. haha.
Really...I can't stomach people like this. I'm the girl giving the obvious side eye to parents who smoke in cars with their kids. So, smoking with a kid in your ute??? Totally F'd up. Totally irresponsible. No excuses. I'd have a reeeaaaaallll hard time *not* saying something. Though it may not be your place, yada yada, if you don't care if she reacts negatively, I say speak up for that little nugget in her belly. You may be the only voice he has. This is coming from a former smoker and from a kid who grew up with smokers for parents. YUCK. If you want to maintain a relationship with her, maybe you could be gentle in your approach and just offer your experience with NICU babies and the risks associated with smoking. Good luck and keep us posted!
People like this woman make me sick. Being a teacher, I see the effects of bad parenting, both during pregnancy and actually raising the kid. Sadly, I can almost imagine how this child will end up when they're in school. It also amazes me how unaware some mothers can be when it comes to understanding the LONG TERM risks of not taking care of yourself during pregnancy.
I don't know whose place it is to say something to this woman, but it appears she's trying to self-medicate for some deeper issues. Good luck, and I'm sorry you have to deal with this!
The blatent disregard for the fetus breaks my heart. So many women wish to be pregnant and can't, so when women completely disregard their responsibilty to care for their unborn child, it breaks my heart.If you are close to this woman, it is worth a converstion for sure.
Unfortunately, if she's due within a month, her quitting now could cause the baby undue stress. The baby is still going to have to go through withdrawals once born, but somehow the human body can handle that easier.
I've been like you were, I'm careful of how much caffeine I drink (1 cup of coffee in the morning, & now at 35+ weeks & working 3rd shift, I will have another cup late at night)
I smoked for 7 years, quit cold turkey, for myself. Having a baby is bigger than yourself, I can only imagine that it would be easier to quit when pregnant.
sad sad.
I wouldn't be able to keep my mouth shut. She has been given a huge blessing and is throwing it away. I'm not one to tell people how to live their lives but what she is doing is so unthinkably cruel. I would say something and call CPS.
I would say something to her or like others say call CPs. There are so many tests that can be done once the baby is born to see if any of that is in the babies blood.
You will always hold in your heart that you should have said something of you don't.
I too fight this battle with a friend who gives her 6 month old ice cream and fast food and other bad foods. But to each their own I guess.
Health is obviously a huge thing to me and can't imagine while someone who want to smoke let alone smoke while pregnant. In the end all we can do is pray for the health and safety of the baby.
I think you should be proud of the mother you are and focus on that. That girl is obviously troubled and has no one guiding her and probably never has. Maybe this beautiful baby has been sent to her to wake her up. I have personally seen this happen twice before. God sent babies to these girls i knew and when their baby came into the world, they were changed forever. Hopefully this will happen to the girl you know. All you can do is show your amazing example to her. Its so hard to keep from saying anything, i know! And if the urge to say something is too much, maybe ask her more questions about the future and get excited for her. Get her talking. Maybe she needs someone to talk to. And you are very wise! Maybe then she will open her eyes!
This definitely breaks my heart. I WANT to judge her because what she is doing is SO horrible, but it's not our place to judge. We don't know what has gone on in her life to lead her to live a life like this. Especially while being pregnant.
BUT! I would definitely say something to her. I wouldn't be rude to her because it might make her less likely to listen to what you have to say. But I would mention how she's bringing harm to her body, as well as her precious boy. She probably needs to have people in her life who WILL tell her that her selfish ways are wrong and unacceptable.... but in the nicest way possible, you know?
That is so sad. Being pregnant is such a gift.
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I hate hearing this. People like her don't deserve the sweet baby they're carrying.
wow this is heartbreaking. I mean, i know back in the day women did this all the time, but not that we know MORE about the effects it has on a child, how could a woman do this? I'm so sorry you're in this situation and i agree with your post after this, that contacting cps is the best thing to do.
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