Happy FIRST Birthday Olivia Adele

I'll never forget the day you were born, Olivia Adele. It was just another Monday. The alarm went off for me to wake up and get ready for work, and of course not wanting to get up, I did. I drove to work, passed the hospital/doctors office, and thought about my "routine" appointment that day.

To back up a couple days, you were an EXTREMELY active baby. I felt you move 24/7. NO ONE believed that you never stopped moving, but since meeting you everyone NOW believes me :) On that saturday before you were ripped out of me  born, you hadn't been moving as much. I read online to see if this was the point that unborn babies tend to slow their movements because you are getting bigger in a small space but didn't find anything. I let daddy know and he didn't seem worried, we just figured we would talk to the doctor about it on Monday at my appointment.

So Monday....Monday, Monday, Monday. I had waited all day for a sign from you. A sign that said "don't worry mama, I'm ok!!" Around 10am you kicked me HARD, SO hard in my side. It felt weird, it felt different, I just didn't know what to think. I texted daddy and told him. He asked if I was ok, and I told him I was fine, I didn't want him to worry. So, I worked, I scheduled interviews, phone calls and meetings for the week and then headed to my lunch time doctor appointment. No one knew I was worried. No one knew I had a gut feeling something was wrong...

I went into the doctors office. I checked in, read a magazine that was ACTUALLY recent and then got called in to the room. The nurse did the routine, weight gain, tested urine (lovely, I know) asked the routine questions and then asked if I had any concerns. I told her, and she assured me that everything was ok. (I was still worried).  LUCKILY this day I was having another ultrasound done. 

My doctor was on my maternity leave so I was seeing one of her partners. He was nice but hard to understand with his thick african accent. I told him my concern and he said he would take a look. As he conducted the ultrasound I knew something was wrong. He was SO silent as he was doing my scan. The monitor was facing only him because we didn't want to know your gender and he was looking in that area during the ultrasound.

I can say that I now believe in "follow your gut," because that mama instinct I had that something was wrong, well that instinct was right. You were in trouble baby. Your heart rate was erratic, the doctor couldn't see many of your organs (meaning they thought you didn't HAVE them) and you amniotic fluid was almost non existent!

No one was telling me what was going on, or maybe they were and it just happened too fast...All I remember was dropping to my knees, thinking I was going to faint, sobbing hysterically asking G-D what I did wrong, why was this happening and PRAYING that my baby, the baby your daddy and I wanted SO SO bad would be ok.

Everything happened so fast after this appointment. I still have flashbacks... Daddy drove the 40 minutes to the hospital in probably 10 or 15 and met me at the hospital, we had another ultrasound, were wisked away to maternity and then were told we were going to have a baby...Say WHAT?! We were only 26 weeks 3 days. Daddy called our parents, I was prepped and they gave us the facts, STRAIGHT! The doctor gave you a 10 % chance...they got you out in under then 3 minutes. The first time I saw you was on daddy's phone in a pic he took. I had to beg for him to do it, but you were surrounded by so many doctors and nurses that I couldn't see you and I NEEDED to see you. Your life was saved that day, so was mine. 

What a year it has been! Lots of tears, worrying, praying but MOST of all positivity, laughter, & giggles! From a 10% chance to now you would never know you had been born premature.  I don't know how I lived my whole life without you. Everyday we spent in the NICU, all 80 days,  daddy and I KNEW you would be home with us. You are our whole world sweet girl. You make everyday more fun, and you are my little hero. You fought for 80 days to be with us and there are no words to thank you. My heart could burst with the amount of love I have for you. Being a mom is the best gift I have ever received, and being your mom is a BLESSING. You are SUCH a miracle and my greatest achievement! You are so perfect in EVERY way. I look at you and think "WOW," she is ALL MINE!!

Thank you for fighting! Thank you for proving everyone wrong! Most of all thank you for making EVERY day more special!

Happy First Birthday Sweet girl. You are my dream come true! I love you!

xoxo Mama

Olivia's First Year Video