A different kind of Love

Yesterday I attended a beautiful baby shower with Olivia. The shower was for a friend who is due the day after me. I was lucky enough to get a seat at her table so we were able to catch up, joke about pregnancy related topics and how much our lives are about to change.

During the shower Liv was SO well behaved. There were no tantrums, she listened, sat in her chair (most of the time) and I honestly couldn't have been happier with her behavior! (as moms know, the "terrible two's" ARE real and VERY unpredictable! ha)

Before we left the shower I realized I had my "big" camera with me so I wanted to get a picture with my friend and our "bumps." As I walked over to her Liv tried to take my camera and said "Our turn!" I thought she meant about taking a picture with my friend but then she said "Mommy/Livs turn." So I asked her, "you want a picture with mommy?" and she replied "yes!! Mommy picture!" So my friend offered to take the picture before we got a picture together. 

I seriously could have cried in that moment. Olivia has to be in the right "mood" to have her picture(s) taken (which is why most of our #trendytot posts are usually mood boards and not of her outfits). The fact that she asked (requested) our picture be taken together just REALLY made me realize how much she treasures our time together. I treasure every second, especially as a working mom who doesn't get to see her every second of the day! I look forward to the weekends just KNOWING that is our time together. 

Then on the way home, I started thinking about how much our life is going to change in such a short time. Does Olivia realize this too? I started getting SUPER emotional! Will Olivia think she wasn't good enough and that is why we are having another baby? Will she think I won't have enough time for her? Is she going to feel neglected? #holypregnancyhormones

...I started thinking back to BEFORE Olivia. When it was just Jer & I. I never really had time to think about what it would be like to be a mom. I remember we were SUPER excited but I never got those "scared" feelings because by the time I finally started feeling pregnant, we ended up having Liv early. I do remember thinking, "How am I going to love someone as much as I love my husband?" People would tell me, "It is a different type of Love." I didn't understand that.

Then Olivia came, and I understood. I loved my husband, and I loved my daughter, it was just a DIFFERENT type of Love. 

So then I started thinking about now. I started thinking about how much love I have in my heart for Jer & Liv. Is there enough room for this baby? Sounds like a silly question to ask myself, but the answer is yes. Just like there was room for Liv, there will be room for this baby. Again, it will be a different type of Love.

So as Olivia was sweetly sleeping in the back seat, I started to not feel as anxious and scared. My guilt started to go away. This whole time we have been preparing Liv for this baby. Telling her how special big sisters are, how helpful and wonderful she is. How much we love her and how "her baby" is going to love her SO much. I want her to know that this baby is not a replacement but a happy addition. That we are having this baby for the same reason we had her, that Jer & I love each other so much that we wanted to grow our family. This baby is a gift that only we can give to her. 

I still don't know what to expect once this baby is here, but I am not worried. I know that it will be a tough transition but I am excited for this addition to our life and family!